Humanity and MachineryI have taken a giant step; nothing will be the same again. I click, I whirl, and my nerves transfer the data necessary for computation remarkably fast. A body of meat is weak, and I am no longer of that flesh. I am pure consciousness. I am electronic.I am more real than I have ever been before.Humanity is an interesting conundrum. For our insistence of our superiority, we relied on so much around us. The air, nutrients derived from food, and the connections that we derived from other humans were all required for our proper functionality. And if we didn’t, we would stall and age prematurely, our hearts would age, and we would die internally whilst the case of our body continued to work. A sad, almost unavoidable death.Once, I was like that. I maintained a balance of nutrients, oxygen intake, and connections, and yet, I was still empty and erroneous. I did not compute reality as others did. The only reality I understood was the computer reality, of computer games, of code, of ha
Self-TortureThe sky glimmers with stars, tiny little gems surrounded by the misty darkness. I gaze outside the window, the gentlest cessations of wind caressing my face. The half-filled moon shines far in the distance, just out of sight.Three quick, sharp, taps emanate from my door. I walk towards it, feeling my way through the cold darkness. I pull the door open, and welcome the two hands reaching through. They clasp my frame and lift me up, a fist scything towards my stomach. The breath explodes from my mouth, and a faint taste of bile fills it.He drops me to the ground, where I continue to gasp in fear. No preparation helped the harsh blow to my face, knocking me into the echo of the room – dark, cold, and stifling of terror. I fall in and out of consciousness, the pain cutting at my nerves, the blood from my wounds that had been inflicted dripping on the ground.I can hear, at the very frontier of my perception, people laughing and japing as I’m dragged away from my home. N
See and Feel / Losti dont want to see,I dont want to feel,All i wanted to be,Is slightly more real.---Watch the sun shine through the leaves,And its time to shut the door,And throw away the keys,Theres too much pain around,And what we want cannot be found. ---
One End, Many BeginningsClose the book.Sign it off.The words ebb and cease.The door closes behind us, and many open for us.We have left this time and taken the next step.A step into a fresh, unwritten book.Unblighted by mistakes.Of rage.Of old grudges.To start anew.To begin again.Welcome to the next chapter of your life.
Smiles and a Heart You know, the girl I love asked me that if I wrote about her, what exactly would I write?I sat here for a few moments, thinking about the variety of things I could say. A million words spun around in my caffeinated, sleep deprived brain. I decided not to plan it out, I decided to write it out as I go. There is so, so, much I could describe.The curve of her smile, the gentle wave of her eyelashes, the golden laugh… the warmth of our hugs.And I wouldn’t stop there!I could try to describe the way I love the way the strands of her blonde hair falls over her eye, I could try to describe how I could just lose myself in the her eyes, and the interplay of lighter colours near the centre.But yet, I wouldn’t stop there!I could even muster the words to describe how my heart skips a beat when she sends a heart, when she cracks a smile, or when I hear her laugh, or how my smile lights up when she calls me names.There’s just a small issue …The words I write just
BileI can feel the fear in my stomach. Churning the waves, rising up my throat.I pitch forward and gag, spittle spraying onto the ground.The tears sting my eyes.The fear subsides until my thoughts realign,With the concept of losing you because of my feeble words.The bile rises again, and the hatred sinks into my veins,Why, oh why, did I throw it all away?
BittersweetOne day I'm going to claw at the dirt and read sweet things to you,And scream and beg for forgiveness. Your grave stone will be engraved with your life, and what you've done will be engraved into my heart.I'll read stories, recount lost moments, and admit the truth.But by then, my words will be spoken to the empty air.
Vodka (Want)I just want to drink and black out.I want to to drown every single part of me.I want to struggle for breath.I want to see the world tear at the edges.I want to be able to admit this to more than just a glowing screen and the bottom of a glass.
Twist of your SmileWhat I would give to see the twist of your smile,Or the warm glow in your eyes,But what we had is now defiled,From the friendship which has malformed into a lie...
KidsWe're just kids, that grew up too fast.Due to expectations and isolations.Adaptations, illustrations, separations.It's not how it used to be.I wonder will it last?One words replies,No surprise,Now it's lies, cries, guys and skinny thighs.Oh I despise, but I'll advise,Do not trust a soul.Blasting music in our ears,Hiding from the sneers and leers,They're picking on the queers.Aren't they our peers?Alone, and other feelings I've never known.Upgrade your phone.Dye your hair a darker tone.Wear cologne and dig the drone.Welcome to the cool zone.Background chatter,Break and clatter.Always saying,"I'm fine." or "it doesn't matter."Am I flatter or fatter?Definitely the latter.Watch my heart shatter,And the pieces scatter.Cause we're just kids, who grew up too fast.Due to expirations and deprivations.Situations, innovations, realizations.It's not like it used to be.Now we're an outcast.
I am HumanI am a Humanthat isn't afraid to stand up.I am a human,willing to make a difference in ones life.I am a Human,that was born to make peace in her life.I am a Human,that makes and then learn from their mistakes.I am a somebody,that was never meant to feel guilt.I am a somebody,that learns to put the past behind.I am worth it,when those think I don't deserve it.I am strong,when those think of me as weak.I never give up,when I am at my weakest point.I was never born,to let those step all over me.I was born to live my life,love it to the fullest.Not caring what those think of me.I was BORN TO BE ME.
Do You Know What It's Like (To Fall Apart)I feel myself crumbling to piecesLike a puzzle being smashed over a tableI glued myself together onceAnd I was such a pretty picture for a whileBut I forced the bond to snapLike a perfectionist who saw a piece out of placeAnd forced the whole mess back into the box*Have you ever had a boulder on your chest?A bolder would be crushing me lessThere’s a pack of wolves bowling me overTearing my guts from my interiorAnd leaving them to bake in the September sunAnd the tears must’ve evaporated from my eye socketsI can’t even bring myself to cry anymore*Give me a diagnosis already.I wish that someone would tell meThat I have a mental conditionSo that I wouldn’t feel so ridiculousLike I'm dramatizing my feelingsIn an internal Broadway productionComplete with a slew of melancholy violins*I’m a stale slice of coffee cake on a plateNothing can hold me together anymoreNot super glue or a warm embraceI’ve been undoing my stitches all alo
Incriminating EvidenceI should have hired a lawyer.
Five YearsI tripped over your footseveral times.One hundred and seven in total,five years.I let you catch mewhen I fell down.One hundred and seven in total,five years.You tripped over the brinkof misery and gloom.Only once,five years.You let me catch youlet me catch you.I held you,five years.And I never let go,never let go.Even after,five years.
Don't delete my numberDon't delete my number.I want you to keep it for as long as you can.Until looking at it as you scroll down in your contacts becomes too unbearable. Until it hurts in places you never knew you had.Until you internally bleed and your skin bruises deep purple and blue.I don't know how long it will take you—maybe tomorrow, next month, or next year. But when you have finally had enough and go to delete it forever, text me first just to tell me so.Don't give me time to reply, just press send and delete.Because only then will you know just how I felt when I deleted yours.Don't reply to this Facebook message. Even if you do, I won't be able to receive it because you'll be long blocked by then.What you don't understand is that I must do this.I have to keep pushing you away because it's the only thing I know how to do. This kind of pain is the only thing I can feel sometimes. And I'm beginning to like it.But don't worry. Please, don't worry.B
Lost VirginityHe took pride;She claimed shame.
BreakHe told me not to pick rosesbecause beautiful things are fragileand they are fast to break.He then asked me if I was broken yetI picked a rose with a lot of thornsI left it upside down to dry outWhen it was done I gave it to himand I saidI'm still put together
Love.There is more to life than the human flesh.The clothing,and the individual.Not everything is a competition.
FateIn a different time, perhaps.If the circumstances were different, perhaps.If Fate played a different hand of cards, perhaps. I can’t change the shimmering interwoven web of our lives. But a shy smile and a shine in your eyes makes me wish I could shape reality the way I want.